i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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