Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
