yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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