Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
