It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
vagina is talking i cant
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
