My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
