I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
