if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
