its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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