well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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