Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
