What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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