Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
