Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
