My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
COCAINE IS GR8
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