We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
