Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
