I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
