i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
