why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
