The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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