so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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