Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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