I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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