Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
