she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize