I CAN MOONWALK!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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