i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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