I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the day after is always just damage control
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
