i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
