Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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