Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
