He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
