If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
