She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
