Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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