So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
