I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
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Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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