i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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