I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
