I want to stick my p in your. b.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
