I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
