We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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