Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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