I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
