I'm passing your future prison.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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