He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We got so high we made milksteak
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
