Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
