We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
