Say something about gay babies.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
