So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
