Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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