every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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