did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
