So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
