Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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