i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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