When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
