I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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