I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
