Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
