sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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