Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think my moral compass just broke
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
