u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
