Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
