I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
